Can you ever truly be “just friends” with your ex?

Survey says…I have absolutely no idea.

Dearest readers: I have legitimately been sitting at my computer for over a week toiling with the notion of a post-heartbreak friendship. In theory, the possibility seems lovely; but in practice I find myself running into bushes and glass doors trying to avoid a former boyfriend. In the words of Miranda from Sex and the City: “I would love to be one of those people who’s all ‘we loved, thank you, you enhanced my life, now go prosper’ but I’m much more like ‘we didn’t work out, you need to not exist’.”

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Personally, I don’t believe you can ever truly a have wonderful friendship with someone you used to love. However, because I’m still hurting over my most recent heartbreak, my judgment may be slightly skewed. There are moments when I believe that an amicable friendship is possible, that he would call me and we could go out with our friends and have fun like before. Then there are other moments when I see him with others girls and I want to scream like David After the Dentist and run away in tears…again. Friendly behavior? I think not.

**Sidenote: For those readers who have not seen the YouTube video, David After the Dentist, I highly suggest it.

Due to my unfortunate inability to decide on the matter and my desperate attempt to not sound like a pessimistic girlfriend (as to scare off potential dates), I asked those around me for their opinion on the issue. I immediately noticed that 90% of my college friends agreed that it’s impossible to have a completely normal, healthy friendship with an ex. On the other hand, there are those few lucky people who can not only tolerate the presence of an ex, but also enjoy it. I envy them. I envy how easily they slip in and out of friend mode while I struggle with butterflies that have transformed into anxiety induced stomach cramps.

This isn’t to say that every time I cross paths with an ex-boyfriend I commit socially unacceptable actions, running away as quickly as possible; quite the contrary. Most of the time we have an amiable greeting, followed by charitable small talk, and then we part. End of story. Then again, there are a couple more recent break-ups that have been nothing short of a Kelly Clarkson song. I usually try and limit the dialogue to these interactions to a premeditated list of well thought out topics that make me sound cool and nonchalant. Yet, due to my complete inability to not be awkward, every time I’m confronted with a situation to use my foolproof system, I choose to go off the script and say a variety of completely idiotic statements that leave me face palming myself later.

I suppose there are several variables that decide whether or not a future friendship with a former significant other is possible. Was it mutual? Was there a fight that ended in someone’s belongings being thrown outside? Was there a broken heart involved? Maybe it depends on the people, the relationship, the time, the place, and an infinite list of factors that finally lead to the demise of a once happy relationship.

In the end, maybe the broken heart, the tears, and the knowledge that you’ll need time to consider friendship are a good thing. They signal that there were real feelings present and I don’t think that’s anything to be ashamed of. For those of you sitting on the other side of the fence, hand-in-hand with your exes, I’m jealous. Hopefully I’ll get to that point with some of the brilliant boys of my past, but until then, the jury is still out on the issue.