This month will mark 20 years since the last and first time I met you. How are you? I’ve been great. I think about you a lot. I wonder if your voice sounds like mine, if your eyes shut tight when you smile… if you smile.
I have 20 years worth of questions for you. Do you think about me on the 27th of July every year? Have you tried to find me before? When did you decide that you weren’t able to take care of me? Are you 5’7″ too? Do I have any other siblings? When I was adopted at 6-months-old, they didn’t give me very much information about you, but I do know that you loved to play the piano. I think about you every time I sit down on a piano bench or listen to someone play. Do you still play the piano? Sometimes I wish someone would tell me “You look like your mom!” but I know I will never hear that unless I see you again.
I’m not going to lie, there are days when I wonder why you put me up for adoption, but I’m not angry. In fact, I’m extremely grateful that you gave me the opportunity to be loved unconditionally by a family you knew could give me everything I could ever want and need. I love them so much, because you loved me so much. I can’t even imagine what was racing through your mind when you had to say good bye to me after giving birth, but I want you to know that I’m thankful you made that difficult decision because I am so happy with the life that I’m living and I feel immensely loved. I’ve had the opportunity to travel the world, fall in love and attend my dream college and I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. Please know that I will always love you for doing what you did to ensure I had the best possible life.
I’m sorry it has taken me almost 20 years to write this, but I hope you can say you’re proud of me if we ever meet again.